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September 2010




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Sep. 17th, 2010


its finally friday.

last night there was a football game

on and in the last update i forgot to say that i went to st. louis.

didnt play, but went shopping got some gooooood stuff. and then we went to the city museum which was sooo cool. and there was an awesome thrift store there!!! but i didnt buy antything

but at the football game, total vitory. plus it was senior recognition night too.

uhmmm, then for the weekend, hw. hang out with friends. pactice sax. study. practice clarinet. band. annnd prob more.

uhm got grades, at a 3.5 ughh. :(((

uhm i thinks thats about it. oh, i do believe that today is my good friends birthday!

uhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, yah.
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Sep. 13th, 2010

alot has happened

school started.


field hockey.


wilot is less than a week away

im still on jv, but a division one goalie came by to help today. needless to say, i was kinda ignored.

and i got my grades, and from jr year i was ranked 44 out of 328.

today was blah. i reak.

got pulled over, bc my plates were expired. but nothing happened.

uhm, stressed out?

most def.

and i was told last night that i was liked by richard. thats cool and all, but it did phase me.

and the character tyler, has an interest in me, i think. but we barely see each other. he lives in a neighboring state. and he doesnt have a car, so seeing each other is an utter impossibility.

theres the oprf tourney on hc. fml.

carniegie hall thing, i dont think im going to make it. dj has a better changce. which is great and all, but i really want to do it.

like nothing really had made me happpy.

im munching on some homemade chips. theyre deilicious.

Aug. 7th, 2010


went to gonsee charlie st. cloud with katie. it was a really good movie :)

afterward, i felt a pang of curiousity as she whipped it out. i asked, and she didnt object. she handed me her fag, and i took a drag.

my body felt tainted.

and fr other things, i hurt.

good night

Aug. 6th, 2010

wtf. no actually its mtwtf.

monday: band meeting. a mock democracy. hung out with chels and ty. saw dinner fr schmucks. i didnt like the movie. then went to grab sushi, i think.

tuesday: hung out with chels. went to cs house. got ignored fr like two and hours. felt like shit. called zach. cried. and mom thought that he made me cry and hes the last person to make md cry. and i think i got my books that day.

wednesday: band help for like an hour and a half. saw the cutest kids there (teachers kids). hung out with chels. went back to cs house. and it wasnt so bad this time. ventured to find where ty works. which failed.

thursday: well today. i read. made six bracelets. picked up dj. went to section party. made shirts. am i photogenic was my shirt. then when it ended i dropped off ry. then bqck home to birng the sis to her music lessons, only to find out that borther and father were to come along too, and head to its thursday; the weekly festivity. went back home when the lessons were done. consrtuction was and is terrible. wanted to hang with zach, that didnt work out. so i resorted to the last resort. ross. hung out with him. hah, yeahhh.

i dont feel different. or like i gained anything. i just feel blahh. like when i first got there, i didnt feel at all well. and it didnt really change. pleasure and pain. thats all. and i found out that im not invited to brandons party. go figure. he probably hates my guts. and to ight i shouldntve mentioned when band camp is to ross. bc he is a infamous womanizer, who is also very arrogant and so fort.

i just want to feel like i mean something to some one.

or get that excited spark. i havent gotten that for a long time.

i think im broken. hah, what an emo thing to say.

fuck. and as for tomorrow i need to finish the book and all the other shit that goes along with the summer assignments.

and i hope to god that theres no packet fr precalc.


Jul. 29th, 2010

wahhh. FLORIDA

so, floirda was amazing.

wednesday: wake up at 5. get there. then it was off to universal. we went to the harry potter part of the park. rode on the hp ride, and then the drgaon challenge ride, which it was previously known as dueling dragons. then i rode on the spiderman ride. the hp ride and the spiderman ride were both simlumation rides, and they both blew my mind. then got back to the ose i was going to stay at, and it was like a mansion. then i went on a little adventure, to go drop off a car for my friends uncle. then i was introduced to the bed i was going to sleep in; i basically slept in a cot, but it was rather comfy.

thursday: i slept so much that day. but in the midst of the night, it was kind of spoty. like i woke up, then i fel back asleep. but i woke up near 12. and it was a relaxing day. watched anime almost like all day. then i watched bianca play a game on the wii. it was entertaining; i even tried once. ...well she handed me the remote and told me to try, so i did. and i failed. oh, and we also washed her car. it was hot that day. but it was a quick little task; easily done.

friday: it was off to metrocon :). the drive there was interesting. especially with the sythe in the car. it made me sit in the middle seat. oh and it was the hamster car too! which was cool. i think before we get the to hotel, we deicded to go to the mall. and shop around for a little bit. and then we head to the hotel. we watch a little anime and chill for a bit. then we get dressed up; i get dressed in my random lolita cosplay outfit, and bianca dresses up in her red alice cosplay. we get to the convention center only to find out taht we were too late to get our badges, and we missed the deadline by mere minutes. but, we came across a quite attractive cosplayer; he was dressed up as kamina. and he was very good. with that disappointment, we opted to go back to the mall and attempt to find something that jessica could wear. and we went to the mall with our cosplay stuff on. we got a lot of stares. well, bianca got the most stares; her costume was quite decodant. and she was all for the people staring and gaping and her, and making little coments like telling other people to look. and i wasnt all that fazed by the staring; it was a new and interesting feeling. i guess a barrier breakdown. after we got what we needed we went back to the hotel and got dressed back into our normal clothes. and we wanted something a little sweet, so we ventured out of the hotel and walked to a froots, and indulged in some smoothies; they were tasty. then we head back to the hotel and chill again; we sat outside in the hotels patio, it was pretty and it had a fountain right infront of the patio. then back at the room we chill some more, and of course we watch more anime. and we all take our turns taking showers. (i actually decided to take a shower in the morning, which i never do.)

saturday: we get up early, since we want to spend the whole day at metrocon. i take my shower. and we all get geared up for the day ahead of us. we had breakfast at waffle house, which was the most terrible idea ever, the place was an absolute dump. -_- then, at the convention center it was soo cool. a lot of cosplayers; some bad, good, amazing, and just epic fail. but i took pictures. like alot of pcitures. we went to pannels. and in one pannel were the voice actors of the inuyasha cast: inu yasha, koga, and mirouku. it was great, i had some good laughs. in some other pannels that we went were little robots fighting other robots. and a fighting match, that was definately coriagraphed, but it was cool. a number of people liked biancas costume. she made the scythe herself. and it was really really awesome. and eventually people who also were cosplaying from kingdom hearts, found bianca and told her that they were going to pose together, since they all were from the one manga. and so i went along. then finally jessica found us, and yeahh. then we got food, or a snack. pretzels and some energy drinks. oh! but before this action started we went to the vendors place, they had great stuff there. i bought a wall scroll of d. gray-man. howls moving castle. then in artists alley a mask and some stickers. (im probably mashing stuff together, but little tids and pieces come back, and random times, ya know?) then back at the snack time. oh!! and i saw alot of look alikes, one of brock, allym, and tiffany. like wow. and ive never really seen any look alikes. but back at the snack time now. we chatted with some people that just decided to come by. (and on of the looked like ally) and the other, was cool too. she wanted some pics taken with bianca by the stairs of the con, and so we did, and i was the photographer. and i have to email them to bianca soon. well more like, those pics i need to send them out today. then it gets later, and by that time the vendor place is closed, and im really bummed when i find out. but then the solution comes up that we quickly come back tomorrow. (and we do). and by this time there really (oh!! and during the photo op time of pandora hearts, or sometime around there, there was the insane line, and it was for the human chess match. crazy stuff) as time passes, we see zombie wars, and we follow it. and in that meeting it was cool at first, but then too many men started to pms, and the many rules were annoying and people were getting too technical. we left, and we went to a pannel about geishas, and kabuki. after that im interested in the rave. only to find out that neither jessica or bianca want to go. and that made me really sad; i was really looking forward into going; i really like the atmoshphere of a rave. its fun and you get to act like a spaz ^^. but yeah, we just pass by the line and thats all. then we just sit outside, since jessica is basically allergic to everything in the con. and outside, across the river we see a party going on, with lots of bass and lights. and after sitting outside, for a while it was time to go back to the hotel. at the hotel we again chill, and watch some anime (i think). and we pack up. then sleep.

sunday: we get up and leave the hotel. i almost forgot about my ireland hoodie, and the thought of losing that would kill me. since mom told me not to forget it and i almost did. but i didnt, which is the good thing. we grab breakfast from froots. we go back to the con and straight to the vendors. i thought about what i should get each person the night before. and i ended up getting a zombie waterbottle, fortune cookie earrrings, and a small panda charm. after that and walking through the place one last time, it was time to go. we get in the car and head to the airport. they come inside too since they were going to wait for someone to arrive. i say my good byes and i was off on my own. while waiting i read some soul eater on my itouch. the ride back was great i got the most perfect seat ever. then landing, we cross over a bridge (via plane) and it went across the road. and my family said that they saw a plane pass, which was probably mine, but sad to say i didnt see them. finally i get to the place where everyone was waiting and im reunited. :)

when i get home, i find out i took over 500 pictures. niice. x)


oh, i didnt get a tan. boo. whatever i had a great time.

oh thers more to add, but ill do that after my shower.

Jul. 19th, 2010

(no subject)

ahhh yeah...

uhm i dont remember the last thing i posted soo...yeah.

just got back from the dunes. got really sun burnt on the back. it hurts but whatever. now all i need to do is just work on my stomach and my shoulders (thanks to the graduation dresses).

dunes were fun. i felt left out most of the time though. i read. made bracelets. swam. got eaten up but not only mosquitos. got sun. and got horrible stomach ache, cramps. and met new people. and saw old friends. made memories.

i felt left out because there were two guys there, younger than me. they were okay to talk to. all they talked about was football. wow, what a life they have. (and just having a stomach ache didnt really help my case with socialzing, thus the left out part). but i sawm and all.

-and with the twenty or thirty minutes i was out in the sun making a hemp bracelet my back and part of my upper thighs got the brunt of the sun's attack.

plus the adults were with themselves. also the factor of music came into play, and i wasnt too keen to whip out my own instrument; im completely paranoic, or more like self conscious of how i sound: which i think is terrible.

with the people there, which was the family, mike (his boys), tom, chuck, jim and tammy. i felt left out. i didnt really click with them. or i just strayed away from them. i dont know, but it was one of the two. orrrr, im awafully shy, which does fall into the anti-social choice.

later that night, which would be a saturday night we had the bonfire. we burnt part of a bed. it was alright. i kept to myself still. but we blew off some fireworks. and they were pretty good. and a few roman candles. stayed for a while. then head up. right then, it was about 12...?

sunday rolls around. im feeling okay, but still whoozy. breakfast was good, but unfortunately i wasnt able to finish it.

then latter the billy and his two son's and a gf show up. we got along perfectly. but yet again, i couldnt help but feel like the fifth wheel. or just the odd man out. but i did take out my instrument and quitely practiced. blahh, which maybe for like 15 min?

then i made my way out into the water. after the raft was pushed out, with the team of us (well not me). and swam a bit. took pics.

took more pics. well i took alot of pics, sparactically.

then billy had to go, which was sad. they were great, fun and humorous company.

bonfire, we burnt up a dresser. at the bonfire (and on sunday mindy showed up) i talked more (with the character chuck). and heard this crazy story of a floater, and how the person who noticed him was a friend of a person who was a cousin of that ceased man -the floater.

learned muuta? buda? and it turns out im a terrible card player.

went to bed at like 2/3?

wake up before 9, i think. and then scramble to make bracelets for the remaining people there, so they could leave the dunes with a small memorabelia. each person that i geave a bracelet to, had a smile on their face when i gave them one.

-had an omlet for breakfast.

then i was feeling fantastic; completely transformed. and i went for a swim. and today there were waves. the waves were about three feet high. and perfect for body serfing. and i did, infact go body surfing. i turned out to be okay at it.

it was rolling about 11:30 and now it was time to pack up, since there were circumstances that couldnt be rearranged.

then at 12:15 we made our way back home.

which leaves me back at home decompressing, or more like just spacing out. and now it leads me back to this.

and as for tomorrow, i have to pack for florida. :)

i was asked if i was going to be too tired to go to universal when i arrive there -ive never been to florida, so...

im definately not going to be tire to adventure to univeersal.

and we get to have the cell phones for a little bit longer.

and then little tid bits that im now remembering, billy could only bring two out of th seven children that he has.

and the fly bites are horrid. and so is heat rash, im constantly scratching.

and i just feel bad because im going to florida by my lonesome, and im taking away from the family. but my dad said not to worry about it.

but i do know, and i do feel like a spoiled child.

oh and when i get back, im supposed to go to a section party. and also back up a friend for a life changing moment.

yeahhh, i have no fucking clue how thats going to turn out.

then that monday, i have marching band at 8 in the morning until 12. im going to be soooo sleep deprived, then i believe i have field hockey practice the following day.

and before school starts, i have to have two books read, with a few extra chapters. and a collage with a deep meaning.

my plan, to find a translated book of the spanish book i have to read; there is no way im going to read a book of two hundred plus pages of a non-native language.

and the bleach and naurto chpaters were fairly decent.

wow, this is decently long.

alright, good night.

itll probly be a while until i write here again.

ohh, and taking a shower was a glorious thing. like i didnt shower when we were there, i was in the water basically for a majority of the time. but it turned out that i didnt shower for like four or five days.

....yeahhh, thats definately groady.

oh, and for sunday dinner an old man told me that he like to stare at women.


Jul. 12th, 2010

its not even one, and im wiped out.

got the volvo today :DD

drove it to field hockey practice. from 8-10. we ran three miles today. and i passed a few people. and i ended up being the fourth one done. instead of being second to last, which is where i started.

then shep stopped by!! at the end of practice, and of course i said hello to her. (and she noticed, the volvo in the parking lot, and wandered whos it was. and i told her that i was mine. or more like i was like hey guess what, shes likes what, and i said i have a a car!! its a volvo! and then shes likes ohhh i was wandering whos that was, and im like yeah, its mine. all giddy like of course.)

the after practice, i went to band.

and yep.

thats basically it. then i might go swimming with a friend later.... idk. i might just want to chill and shower.

i think i might do that.

ughhh, im soooo hungry.

alrighty. my life updated.

oh wait, and as for z, haha not going to happen ever. hes just a friend.

Jul. 6th, 2010

i didng feel anything anyways

what should i have figured. hes still in love and cares deeply for his one and only.

and i dont blame him. but when he told me i couldnt help but become quiet. and he usually sees me as cheerful.ish. and he figured out that something was wrong. and in ghe end icouldnt tell him what was 'wrong' with me.

in reality, selfishness is what was wrong with me.

its all im good for. but i cant help myself for wanting more that makes me heooy and feel at ease. but in reality, i couldnt feel a spark. but i perservered and jus tried to push at it more and more, expecting it to give.

when he tried to get me to tell him what was wrong with me, he got us alone in the room. and asked what was wrong. and in the end i didnt tell. and he called me a bad liar.

im still trying to digest. everything.

i hope im not going to regret anything. but the next time i see him im surely going to apologize for my actions. because they were uncalled for. i acted like a spoiled child.

right now i wouldnt mind crying. but what good is that going to do. i have no real relationship attatchments, other thsn just being a friend. and that has changed so crying would just be a pointless and stupid action.

and right now im going off like a whiny baby. wait, correction whiny emo pity party filled child.


but ill br totally honest, the boy involvement (and 'committment') makes me happy. and if i domt get any then im left in a blah mood. like from this, i want to hold/to feel what its like to feel special and cared for more than a friend.

so far ive gotten nothing good.

im a mass of paranoid human.

slightly altered human right now -emotionally though

blah blah blah

my own pitty party! would you care to join.
it will entail a whiny girl. and she complains.
and if she doesnt have anything to really complain about
she will surely find something to complain about.

i just think im depressed and deep. but in reality im pathetic and dont know how good i have it compared to other people. so i should shut my mouth.

i make sure to recognize both parts of the situation... idk

its jus that im pretty sure that im contradicting myself left and right here.

oh well

i guess this school year will be long and uneventful, referring to my love life

because im stupid. i enjoy the spice of boys in life and it can get fairly bland without a pinch here and there.


its 11:53 right now

idk what else to say.

Jul. 5th, 2010

(no subject)

thursday: z was over. we swam. then went to ks to sleep over in her tent along with the others: k and m. we got scared by an older sibling and brother. i loved the adrenaline rush.

ya know what i forget what rally happend on whatever day. but on saturday. i had band and z picked me up :3 heehee. he looked quite spiffy :). we chilled at the house. then we went boating! i was forced to try water skiing, faile at that. oh but before that we went swimming in the mddle of the lake. and ive never done that. then i watched him skii. he was really good. he even skiied with one ski. it was really neat. hmmm then, his dad tired it. not tried, he did. and was really good. then we went swimming again. then z tried knee boarding and did a superb job on it. then i tried, willingly this time. :).

-oh for skiing, z forced me. and it turned oit just like every other time ive tried to skii. i have too much weight in thr back. and he was in the water for moral support and help. it was nice. and i, of course injured him. Nd i feel terrible for that.

then when every one was done (including his older brother) i had my fill. i was feeling quite sick. the fumes from the boats engine was making me naucious, or however you spell it.

then go ba k home. he got me to play halo 3. -_- oh my gosh. i simply humored him. ughh. then i quite at about the 11th kill. since we were versing each other. annnd i lost. so my brother took ovef for me. they got hooked onto it, until one reached to the 25 kill.

20 minutes later they finally finish. and i was kiiinda irritated (so i just worked on the bracelets). and z comes over and asks what i want to do. (i corget what was said) but i think i said something like how he had to choose. so we went for a walk. and chatted.

when we rerurned home. i asked my dad what we should do and he suggested to go to see some fireworks that were going to be fairly nearby. and we go to see them. they were really good :). we saw a heart one.

on the way back, he got quiet in the car it really bothered me. and im terrible at like dealing with that because i sometimes have no idea whats wrong, or what i should say :(. i felt completely helpless and hopeless.

back at home, we played hat ball. i got it twice, or more like scored

ohhh, and he mentioned that, well not mentioned but like said that i could possibly come up to his cottage :3. that sounds pretty cool.

-but ill be honest, right now i have a feeling that i wouldnt be like the only friend that he takes along. like there would be me him and another friend. eh, ehat can i expect-perfection? nope.
all i would like is a ggod time and fun memories.

ohhh and on the way back from the fireworks i got a really nice compliment. it really touched me. ajd for me its rare that i get compliments.

and ghen for today, (well its the day after but im up late) i was in the parade. and if wad a completely different set up thrn usual. which was annoying. but while making my way there along with the band, i saw him. he said hi. (oh and on sat he called me doll and darlin :3. teheehee. but told me that he usually calls his friends that are girls that. bit i was also told that i was a good friend to him). i feel special.

but anywho, did the parade. walked back tl the school. walked to the museum. then walked to jewel. then off to see the relatives.

came back late. i totallh crashed in the car. like a hardcore sleep. or coma. it was great.

got home. and now doing this. oh and reas the latest bleach, naruto, and d. gray-man chaps. they were phenominal.

ok im tired and tomorrow i got a lil jazz band rehersal. and were going to the dunes :D. ut when we go to the dunes, gheres the jazz gig. whi h is unfortunate that i habe to miss it :/

ok,ok good night

and happy 4th of july

oh one more thing, i saw some more fireworks tongjht. from co
ing back from the relatives. we could see them going off. so we parked in/bby a forest oeserve amd it was a greatt view. it was lime the closest weve ever been to fireworks. and whem tryimg yo bloe off some fireworks tonight, we figured out that we got ripped off


good night

Jul. 1st, 2010

a content feeling that i will relish.

he came over. which made me happy. including my brother, because now they are gaming buddies.

we chilled here for a bit, (at home) then nicely drove my sister to her friends house. then came back, chilled here, then i brought up the suggestion of


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